Issue 99: We have writing retreats at home

Last December, I was eating pho with my sister and we were musing about the year to come. Specifically, what trips we were excited for. Maybe I was coming out of some post-wedding blues, or maybe I was bracing myself to work most of the holidays, but I felt a little blah. Eeyore having lunch with Tigger.

At my previous job, I had unlimited PTO, which we were genuinely encouraged to take. It allowed me to attend two back-to-back writing workshops in 2021, and a 12-day workshop the following summer. It was a luxury to not have to choose between my writing, spending time with family or friends, or traveling. Now with a more restrictive vacation policy, my priorities have changed. Writing has to fit into the margins of life.

While I’ve gotten better at writing regularly while working full-time and being less precious about it, a part of me has really missed the breaks and dedicated, uninterrupted writing time. Do I need to go on a writing retreat or residency or conference? No, but I miss having stretches where I can think of myself as a writer first.

“You know what you need? More whimsy,” my sister said. I gave her a sarcastic smile and brushed it off. It was easy for her to say (she does have unlimited PTO).

Soon after that lunch, I read about Kristen Arnett and Kayla Kumari Upadhyaya’s “at-home writing retreat” in Jami Attenberg’s newsletter. They found a way to change up their routine while having full-time jobs. It made me realize that my sister was (regrettably) right. I needed a way to make my current writing life interesting.

My husband and I often procrastinate from writing through chores, or sometimes we feel a little guilty when one of us is doing dishes and the other one is writing. I asked him how he’d feel about us dedicating an entire weekend to our own at-home retreat, so we’d have the shared priority of writing.

Preparing for the retreat

We decided on the Valentine’s Day/President’s Day weekend in February. For the schedule, I largely copied what Kristen and Kayla had since it was a good split between writing, reading, meals, and incorporating movement and exercise. I also liked how the evenings were more celebratory, whether that was with a pizza party or happy hour.

In the week leading up to our retreat, we cleaned the apartment to neutralize the temptation of productive procrastination. E prepared our favorite tuna salad, and I baked a snacking cake so we wouldn’t have to do much cooking during the weekend.

Similar to when I’ve done #1000wordsofsummer, I did some prep and brainstormed about what I wanted to write so I could hit the ground running. I came up with some ideas for specific scenes in my novel, while E planned to spend most of the weekend working on a graphic/visual essay.

How the retreat went

All in all, the retreat was a resounding success! We generally stuck to our schedule, and if we were running an hour behind here or there, it was easy to adjust. All the prep we did paid off. I’m proud to say we didn’t do any chores or life admin. The only decisions we made were whether to migrate between the couch, kitchen table, or our study, and what movie to watch on Valentine’s Day. 

We found our own writing grooves. Evan knocked out a bunch of illustrations and began doing some of the essay’s layout on his computer. I worked on my novel with various Pomodoro sessions. I ended up writing 5026 words, passing 20k words in my draft! It was also nice to bookend the weekend by going to places in our neighborhood (our favorite breakfast spot, a nearby bar), since we spent most of our days writing inside.

Most importantly, as we debriefed on Sunday night, we both felt differently. Long stretches for deep work are increasingly hard to come by, but we’d somehow done it, and it felt good. As Kate McKean writes, “The most valuable thing a writer's retreat gives you, besides physical space to write free of sock sorting, is the mental space to do it all.”

Takeaways

Writing requires both rhythm and momentum

Something I’ve learned over the years is that waiting for perfect writing conditions means you’ll rarely write at all. There’s no substitute for making progress a few hundred words at a time. At the same time, you may need to shake up the routine. 

Normally, I try to write 200-400 words a day a few times during the week, and more on weekends. But I loved the deep immersion that came with this writing retreat. It wasn’t just the velocity of words on the page, it was that I felt more encouragement in stretching myself after the weekend was over.

Learn about how you work

This was an opportunity to not only stretch myself, but to experiment with my process. I usually write in 25 min Pomodoro sessions because that’s what fits well into weekday evenings, but I was able to try out a couple different time limits. I learned that my upper limit for deep focus in one sitting is 45ish minutes. I’m taking this forward by upping my Pomodoro sessions on weekends. 

Make it a big deal

I’m often bombarded by Instagram posts or emails from lit mags about fancy writing retreats in Italy, Greece, Scotland, etc. The luxury is alluring, but I have to remind myself you can write for free. Doing things like designing and printing out a nice schedule or ordering some snacks/fun drinks did actually help make the at-home retreat feel special. If a big part of a successful “retreat” is a step back from your regular routine, lean into differentiating these days in whatever way you can. Whimsy is accessible to you now, and it doesn’t have to cost you a ton of money or vacation days!

Don't do it alone

After telling some friends about our weekend writing retreat, we ended up doing a half-day version in March. We settled on a Sunday morning, got bagels, and co-wrote in my friend Carolyn’s apartment. It’s much easier to lock in when you have friends locking in alongside you.

Creative resources

• A great essay by Celine Nguyen on the past, present, and future cultural and economic conditions for making art. I keep coming back to this: “artistic innovation requires adequate-to-beneficent economic conditions for artists”
• Residency opportunities/deadlines: apply for The Margins Residency by April 13, Hedgebrook’s 2027 Writer-in-Residence Program by April 17, and the 2026-2027 Baldwin Fellowship Program founded by Jacqueline Woodson by April 18
• Mason Currey on how to be a writer with a day job (and more examples from his forthcoming book Making Art and Making a Living): “Ruthless is one of the things I was not at that age. I hadn’t grasped yet just how much sacrifice writing would require.”
• Applications for A Public Space’s 2026 Writing Fellowships are due March 31. The six-month fellowship includes editorial support from A Public Space editors to prepare a piece for publication in the magazine, an honorarium, guest passes to attend Master Classes, and more.
• A great list of indie media to support, including newsletters, websites, podcasts, and video teams

Recent reads & other media

The Wedding People by Alison Espach was a refreshing read dissecting a breakup and what it means to live by other people’s expectations. I loved The Original Daughter by Jemimah Wei, a gorgeous, tender novel about two sisters growing up in Singapore. Competition, intimacy, and ambition amid class anxieties and a rigid education system all come alive in these richly drawn characters. This quote from her Electric Literature interview resonated with me and drives my own work: “The immensely intimate love, enmeshment, and heartbreak of platonic relationships can be tsunamic.”

Wuthering Heights was an incredibly smooth brain movie (gowns, beautiful gowns), and I agree that Emerald Fennell is actually just Michael Bay for women. I found Pillion, a movie starring Alexander Skarsgard and Harry Melling (Dudley Dursley!) in a dom/sub relationship, as a deeper exploration of relationships, abuse, and self-realization. The Bride! was all over the place and way too long, and the Mary Shelley meta-ness did not work for me at all. Hoppers was zany and cute, and I loved how it became increasingly unhinged.

In prepping for the Oscars, E and I watched Sentimental Value. Afterwards, we did an accidental Boston Best Picture double feature with The Departed and Spotlight. We also watched The Wild Robot, which has a more compelling first half focused on parenthood. For E’s birthday movie, he chose A Serious Man.

The reality show I watched the most growing up was American’s Next Top Model, so naturally I ran to Netflix when they dropped their ANTM documentary. While I was laid out with a bad cold, I subjected myself to all of Euphoria.

Recently read short stories: “Hatchling” by Rucy Cui, “Mantis” and “Green Frog” by Gina Chung

Note: Book links are connected to my Bookshop affiliate page. If you purchase a book from there, you'll be supporting my work and local independent bookstores!

~ meme myself and i ~

If America’s Next Top Model was still on today. What text messages mean to an anxious person. POV: you’re a hydraulic press. How not to eat the Din Tai Fung chocolate bun. Wuthering Heights but it’s brat. The experience of having a protein snack.